POISON SCOOTER

The Golden Globes

Real time blogging here people...

8:02 PM...The Cloon looks like shit. PARTY MUCH?

8:06 PM...water works ensue as Jennifer Hudson, a virtual nobody, beats out Cate Blanchett for Best Supporting Actress.

8:07 PM...Prince is a no show?!?! Nice dig Timberlake. Do you realize, no Prince = no Justin?

8:11 PM...Jeremy Irons beats both Hiro Nakamura and Ari Gold? Unreal.

8:16 PM...Mrs. Bacon wins for a show no one watches. That's nice. Kyra is the new Michael Chiklis. Maybe I'll love the Closer in a couple years on DVD.

8:18 PM...Nancy O'Dell? Hmmm...she's a lot better looking than Dick Clark. Thanks for stroking out on us Dick!

8:26 PM...that's why he's a writer folks. Nice delivery Peter. 56 years ago....zzzzz.

8:30 PM...Emily Blunt was amazing in The Devil Wears Prada. But what the hell is Gideon's Daughter?

-I'm already bored to tears at the idea of doing this real time thing. Something good better happen soon. Wait, the cast of HEROES? I'm all ears!!!!

8:32 PM...did they really need 12 people to present an award? Everyone loves House! Why am I not watching this show? What no cut away to a pissed Keifer? Oh...there it is. God damn, is this House fellow this funny on the show? Somehow I doubt it. Not bad for not preparing anything Hugh.

8:35 PM...What is that in your hair Hillary Swank? A giant diamond flower? It barely detracts from your horse teeth. Barely.

8:40 PM...Charlie Sheen looks just as he did in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And that's not a good thing. Way to suck your big brother's cock off Chuck. "Stand up Emilio!" "I am standing!"

8:42 PM...Golden Globes finally add Animated Film as a category? Way to make the Oscars seem ahead of the times. Carrell...you are supposed to be funny dude. What's the deal? Saving it for your acceptance speech I assume? What?!?! No Larry the Cable Guy shout out? Beat.

8:50 PM...Meryl Streep in a landslide...no shock there. Classy broad that Meryl Streep. Love the attack on big movie chains...especially since that is my new hell. Indie cinema needs an outlet and Meryl says I should "quietly, authoritatively demand it." Of course, Meryl doesn't realize that the man I would be demanding this from finds it necessary to post a sign outside his theater to not only exclaim that a movie is in subtitles but to explain that subtitles means "the words are written at the bottom of the screen." I shit you not.

8:55 PM...BORAT! BORAT! BORAT!

8:57 PM...speaking of subtitles, can I get some for Salma Hayek please?

8:58 PM...Something won something...not sure what Salma said it was, but based on who walked up on stage I can't say I give a fuck.

9:01 PM...Eddie Murphy will tarnish this all in about 30 days when Norbit gets released in a theater near you. Trust me. And you are not forgiven for Pluto Nash!

9:04 PM...Prince sighting?! And he's trying to shield himself from the camera? Guess who was taking a shit when he won an award tonight? The purple one!

9:09 PM...Bill Nighy wins for Gideon's Daughter...guess just went on my Netflix list?

9:12 PM...Helen Mirren is having a great year. Playing two Queens and winning awards for both all over the place.

9:20 PM...Best Screenplay...The Queen...Peter Morgan. Welcome to America dude. Only Clooney gets to go on and on about politics here buddy.

9:22 PM...toughest category of the night. Best Actor in a Comedy Series. Alec Baldwin!!! Yikes!! The new kid in TV town upsets Monk! Thank God!!! Who could possibly be upset at Alec Baldwin winning a Golden Globe. Oh yeah, Kim Basinger probably.

9:31 PM...Ugly Betty is Best Comedy. Why? Well, there are versions of this show in practically every country and since this is the foreign press...yadda, yadda, yadda. The Office was robbed!

9:37 PM...Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood nominated in the Foreign Film category is incredible. And Clint gets another trophy for the mantle.

9:45 PM...More Prince nonsense. Come on, if he didn't come up when he won, then fuck him. Move on...

9:52 PM...America Ferrara wins for Ugly Betty. Well at least I didn't have to hear another Desperate Housewife ramble on and on. Now I get to hear a chubby Puerto Rican babble on and on and on and on.

Cecil B. Demille bestowed on Warren Beatty. Time for a bathroom break.

10:25 PM...wow that was quite an intermission...Marty Scorsese is a hack. All he did was remake a movie from 4 years ago.

10:29 PM...Sasha Baron Cohen sans Borat schtick is still pretty hilarious. Best acceptance speech of the night by a mile. Refreshing to see him not only nominated, but to walk away a winner.

10:35 PM...Dane Cook gets to be on the Golden Globes? What is wrong with the world?

10:37 PM...J. Lo is going against herself right now. Isn't that Dance show of hers on MTV right now? Anyway, Best Comedy or Musical is ... surprise! not a comedy!!! It's Dreamgirls. I'm convinced if you make a Musical these days you will pretty much win this award. Chicago won it. Moulin Rouge won it. Oh wait, Rent didn't win it. Okay so I'm wrong. The point is, Borat is the funniest movie of the past 10 years and lost out to a bunch of people singing.

10:42 PM...Grey's Anatomy. General Hospital at night. I'm a fan.

10:45 PM...Are they rushing things a bit now? Guess that 25 minute Warren Beatty thing was a mistake, no? I'd rather hear these winners for more than 27 seconds!!

10:46 PM...Helen Mirren as the Queen is about a predictable as you can get. I don't think there is a Best Actress statue that she hasn't won yet for this role. But I'll be damned, Mirren is the sexiest old lady EVER. Go rent The Cook, The Theif, His Wife and Her Lover and you will see a gorgeous 40 something Mirren getting naughty. Sequel anyone???

10:48 PM...commercials still? I want to end this insanity already. I'm tired and the laptop is burning the tops of my thighs from resting it there for 3 hours!

10:50 PM...so we have what left? Actor and Drama Film? I'm sensing a Martyfest.

10:51 PM...come on already!!!

10:52 PM...Heroes is back next Monday. Yes!!!!

10:53 PM...Leo cancels himself out or is Forest Whitaker just on a tear like Mirren this year? Wow...I can't tell if Forest is genuine or just acting in his acceptance speech? Maybe he's auditioning? And what is up with his eye? Did he always have a crazy eye situation? I don't recall Radio Raheem having eye issues.

10:56 PM...Ahnold, the Governator is presenting Best Picture? Well they are holding this shindig in his state.

10:59 PM...Ha. He's on crutches!!! Priceless. Wow!! Babel pulling an upset of sorts. This I like very much. This is the year of the Mexican. Babel, Pan's Labyrinth and Children of Men are three of the strongest movies of the year and all were made my Mexican filmmakers. Go Mexico!

I'm going to forgo any cohesive analysis until the next day. And screw spell checking this as well. Good night y'all.

posted by Scooter @ 5:14 PM