POISON SCOOTER

Celebrities Sing (Badly)

Whoa. Please tell me you are watching this hot mess Celebrity Duets. First of all the claim was that we would see celebrities sing, but why didn't they play up the fact that these C-listers can barely sing? And what about the panel of creepiness who gets to pretend to like the performances; Marie Osmond, Little Richard and David Foster? Little Richard looks like a bug eyed, wig wearing lunatic one step away from death. Marie Osmond is trying her hardest to be Paula Abdul going on and on about pitch like this show matters, and by the way isn't she like a manic depressive nut job these days? And David Foster, well he's just a jack ass who loves himself.

Wayne Brady is the master of ceremonies and probably sings better than all of the talent assembled on this show. I love Wayne trying to be positive and congratulatory after Carly Patterson and Lea Thompson warble in hi-pitch squeaks for 2 painful minutes. Wayne, can't you hear what I hear? At least Ryan Seacrest is honest when someone sucks. And why didn't Wayne get to open the show with a flashy song and dance number like Billy Crystal at the Oscars? Bummer.

But the best part of this has to be the odd pairings for the duets. Randy Travis and Lea Thompson? Cheech Marin and Peter Frampton? How bad do you feel for these actual singers getting roped into sharing the stage with these basic throwaway celebs?

Okay, I'm being a little harsh. Jai Rodriguez, Lucy Lawless and maybe even Alfonso Ribero can actually sing a little. I'd suggest that especially in Jai's case, singing along side Gladys Knight has to help your confidence. But, I thought these pairings were going to blow me away...and instead they just made me laugh a lot. It was like watching bad karoake. Except for Hal Sparks. Yep, Hal Sparks...the former Talk Soup host and the cut-up in all those I Love decade shows on VH1. Hal got to do Tracks of My Tears with Smokey Robinson and was by God, dare I say, really good. Naturally the panel dissed him because they are idiots. So I guess I'm gonna watch this pile of crap just to see how far Hal goes in this...

posted by Scooter @ 5:37 PM