Sunday, September 10, 2006

Miami Vice

Let me preface this by saying that this movie was at the $1 theater, so I didn't spend the typical $9 cover charge to see it. But the harsh reality is that I would still like my dollar back.

This movie was the worst movie I have had to sit through since Heat. Fittingly Michael Mann was behind that crap fest too. For a cop action movie, Miami Vice was incredibly boring, slow, quiet except for the occasional blaring of Latin music or Audioslave which always triggered an approaching sex scene. (By the third helping of Chris Cornell's voice and Gong Li's ass it is almost laughable.)

Where did this movie go wrong? Besides Colin Farrell's look I mean. (Holy porn stash and Scott Stapp hair!) Well, I would say you don't want to have 5 major roles and cast them with three people who have no command of the English language for starters. Next, I would not make partners seem like complete strangers to each other like Foxx and Farrell appear in this film. Zero chemistry. And neither really says much period. All the dialogue is given to the foreigners who I couldn't understand. Then again, I couldn't really make out the plot for 2 hours either, I guess thanks to the script as a whole. There is the money scene that appears in every Colin Farrell movie, you know the one where his character has to yell and his Irish accent just flops out because he can't yell in American.

Miami Vice takes place in Miami where I thought the beautiful people lived. How come I didn't see one hot chick in the movie? Gong Li is like 50 and in book not that hot. And she was the only "eye candy" offered. Then again, wasn't Heat the same way? I don't remember any hotties in that movie either. Maybe Michael Mann is homosexual? I need to look into that. In the meantime, heed my warning. This movie blows. Big time.

1 Comments:

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Chris Ash said...

Nuh-uh! Gong Li is totally hot. But I'm a total WASP.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home